Loving Yourself - Cultivating and Developing a Loving, Nurturing Relationship With Ourselves

We have all heard the idea of loving ourselves first in order to love and be loved by another. Yet how many of us are truly engaged in the practice of being loving and kind to ourselves? Being completely loving and kind to ourselves no matter what, being committed to tend to and to express our own needs and desires and show up for ourselves is the foundation required to draw in love and relationship.

Here's what so many of us do:

We beat ourselves up constantly
We tell ourselves the worst stories
We tell ourselves what we should have done differently, how someone else would have done it better, how there must be something wrong with us, how if only we were prettier, fitter, more lovable, a good person or were different to who we are in some way, all would be well
We criticize ourselves
We compare ourselves to others
We put all of our focus on our flaws and imperfections
We put huge pressure and expectation on ourselves to be perfect
We don't take time to celebrate our accomplishments
We constantly make ourselves wrong

When we are looking to draw in love and relationship into our lives, we are called to start seeing clearly the way in which we are treating ourselves.

I clearly remember when I first started to see that everything I thought men were doing to me, for example: abandoning me, rejecting me, not valuing me, not seeing me etc, I was in fact doing to myself. It was being reflected back to me by men all around me. In my commitment and intention for love, I had to take a radical new stand for myself, that I would absolutely show up for myself, knew that if I wanted to create the type of relationship and connection that I was yearning for, I would need to become deeply connection to myself. Enough was enough - I was no longer willing to negate or dismiss my own feelings or needs. I started to become deeply interested and curious about all of the ways in which I was currently doing this. I became deeply engaged in loving myself, giving to myself, seeing myself, listening to my own needs and desires. I started to make new choices and take new actions that were in alignment with what I was seeing and my commitment to transforming my experience of love. I was taking a radical stand for myself.

When we change the relationship we have with ourselves, our whole external world changes accordingly.

This is truly miraculous. I remember when I first discovered this truth. Having been deeply in the process of giving to and nurturing myself, I began to put myself into the dating world again, only now I was different. I had a real sense of my own value and what I wanted to create in a relationship. I was able to express my needs and desires, what I needed in relationship and what I had to bring to a relationship. I became wholly visible. I noticed that I was attracting a very different kind of man: men who really saw me, who like me, were genuinely interested in having a relationship with me. I attracted men who were "lit up" by me, who couldn't wait to get to know me. My whole experience of love and relationship was transformed and it wasn't too long before I met the love of my life and the man with whom I would spend my life.

How can we start to change our relationship with ourselves?

It begins with awareness - start to notice all of the ways in which you dismiss your own needs
Without blaming or shaming yourself, ask yourself: "In what ways to I beat myself up and criticize myself?"
Take a radical new stand for yourself, your happiness and well being by showing up for yourself no matter what
Start telling yourself how beautiful and valuable you are
Become available and committed to yourself
Take the time to celebrate your achievements
Spend time doing things you love and enjoy
Have play time
Learn to say "no"
Set new boundaries and limits where appropriate
Start to catch yourself when you judge or criticize yourself, take a step back and ask "What would love do in this situation?"

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