As Kathy contemplates her answer to her boyfriend Greg's proposal-- that they move in together-- she is filled with a mixture of excitement, joy, fear and dread.

The last thing that Kathy wants is for this long-term relationship to be like her marriage that ended in divorce 3 years ago after her husband (at the time) had an affair with their neighbor.

There's no doubt in her mind that Kathy loves Greg and that he loves her. Her hesitation and worry come from not wanting to make the same mistakes in this relationship that she did in her marriage.

Over time, from Kathy's perspective, these relationship mistakes seem inevitable. She wonders if allowing her relationship with Greg to go to the next level is worth risking getting hurt again.

There is probably not a single love relationship or marriage that's ever happened that did not involve blunders or worse. If you're in a relationship, chances are high that both of you will slip up in some way from time to time.

Making a mistake doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed to be unhappy or to fail.

What all of this does mean is that you and your mate need to stay awake. Be aware when you two are falling into habits that are driving a wedge between you. Find the courage to talk about what's going on in ways that point you toward solutions

And, then, follow through and actually make the necessary changes.

Here are 3 common relationship mistakes and what you can do about them...

#1: Making assumptions.

You might find yourself assuming that your partner will think, feel or act in particular ways simply because he or she has in the past, because your former partner was like that or because you believe that all men or all women are this way.

Whatever is leading you to jump to a conclusion that your mate is or wants to be loved THIS way and not THAT way, question it.

Regardless of how long you have been married or in this relationship, don't assume that you know everything that there is to know about your partner. This is likely to lead to dissatisfaction, resentment and tension.

Instead, take the time to ask questions from a place of curiosity and really listen to what your partner says in response to your questions.

#2: Putting your relationship on the back burner.

We know, it can be a challenge to keep your relationship a priority in your life when you are also trying to earn a living, care for your children, maintain friendships, fulfill personal interests and make it to the gym a few times a week too.

Phew!

Life can get super busy and far too many couples put their relationship on the back burner with the intention to focus energy on it when everything calms down and there is more time.

One complaint that is often made by our readers about their relationships is that their partner neglects them. They feel unimportant and unloved. In cases like these, it is too tempting for the neglected partner to look outside the relationship for what's perceived as missing.

Set aside even 5 minutes each and every day for you and your mate to spend checking in with one another. Hold hands, look into each other's eyes and share what's going on for you. This doesn't have to be a gut-wrenching, soul-baring kind of sharing.

What is most important is that you and your partner are taking regular time to feed and nurture your connection with one another.

#3: Stop expressing your love and appreciation for one another.

For a FREE report from relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins for reversing relationship habits that cause disconnection visit PassionateHeart.com

Susie and Otto Collins have written these e-books and programs to help couples connect and communicate: Magic Relationship Words, Relationship Trust Turnaround, No More Jealousy and Stop Talking on Eggshells among many others.

What makes a loving relationship? Lots and lots of things, all based around a central theme of love, respect and friendship. There is no great secret as to what makes a loving relationship, just a willingness to work at the relationship day after day, in good times and bad. You cannot really call it work can you? Doing your best to look after and make happy the love of your life.

Couples who are in a loving relationship will give of themselves without expecting any reward, they instinctively know what the other needs and will help and support their partners without a second thought. They are able to do this because apart from the fact that they want to, they have taken the time to learn what their partner needs from the relationship and they are happy to help them achieve it. However to reach this kind of nirvana you have to be prepared to make yourself vulnerable.

You need to know and understand your partner and they need to know you. If you do not know your partner how can you help them to grow within the relationship, how can they help you? You need to be completely open and honest with each other, this will mean letting each other into areas where you could be vulnerable but it will bring you much closer together. If you hold back from your partner the you are automatically throwing up walls and to a degree pushing your partner away. You need to ask yourselves, what kind of relationship can you have if your partner only knows a part of you.

It is true that opposites attract and I am sure that there are opposites who have gone on to build very successful relationships. What will help you is if you like your partner, if your partner is your best friend, if you have shared interests. If all goes well you could be together for decades, it is a long time to be with someone if you do not like them.

One of the great pillars of a loving relationship is communication, which is hardly surprising when you look at how many aspects of the relationship are affected by communication. Communication pulls you together, it helps you to share thoughts, ideas, emotion and new experiences. It all helps to enrich your relationship.

In addition to talking with each other, you need to be able to spend quality time together when it is just the two of you. This will be a lot easier at first but as time passes on there will be work commitments, kids and a host of other things that life will throw at you. It is far to easy to forget that the important thing in the relationship is you two, nothing else matters as much, so you need that time together or else you will drift apart. Go on dates, vacations, walks, movies, it does not matter what you do, the important thing is that you get some you time where you take pleasure in each others company, bring yourselves closer together and dare I say it... You might even enjoy yourselves. I am sure that you enjoyed dating when you started building your relationship, there is no reason why you should stop enjoying yourselves!

Do not forget to give yourselves some me time. You are going to have your own friends and interests and you need time to devote to them. It will help you to unwind, give you something to talk about and bring fresh ideas and experiences to the relationship.

So what makes a loving relationship? You do. Comfort and support your partner, offer your energy without expecting anything in return. Just as you made a commitment to be with your partner are you consistent in your love for them. You do not get to choose the good bits or the bad bits in a relationship, you will face some rocky times but if you have a strong, healthy loving relationship you will find a way through and you will do it together. Keep a hold of your individuality, it is what makes you, it is who you are. Accept who your partner is, after all they have something which drew you to them so do not lose it by trying to change your relationship into some kind of sterile ideal. Focus on the positives and not the negatives and take pleasure in sharing your partners life.

Being a student of life I thought it about time to get my ideas down in the hope that they will help people with whatever difficulties they are facing. If you want to read further into the mysteries of understanding the opposite sex and relationships then my site might be of interest to you. Whatever your situation I wish you luck.
http://www.reviewthemagicofmakingup.com

Love is one of the most common topics that people often talk about. As a matter of fact, it is also one of the most frequent Googled words. That simply means that there are a lot of people who have questions and who are seeking for answers regarding love. We started hearing this word at a very young age and we often believe that we feel towards another person is true love and then we realize one day that it is not. But there are different types of love relationships. It is important that you are aware so read further to understand.

There are many definitions of love. Some people even say that love has no exact meaning. Even wise men have different opinions regarding love. There are also several theories that have been formulated by different people. But every experience of love is unique and oftentimes the meaning that they attach to this word is based on their own feelings and emotions.

One type is the liking love wherein intimacy, sharing secrets and feelings are very much involved. This is often associated with friends. There is closeness between persons. Another one is the infatuated love which is more focused on erotic attraction. This is the most type of love that a person experience towards another. There are passion and longing to be with another person. Other people may not be aware of it but they may be involved in another type called the empty love. There are some couples who only remain to be in a relationship because of commitment. This is common among people with arranged marriage.

Another type is the romantic love wherein both passion and intimacy are involved. It could be that there is or there is no commitment involved. This often happens during the first few months of any love relationship and could also reach a point where it disappears. The type that most successful marriage relationships have is the companionate love. It is important that couples share a good foundation of friendship so that they could last long. There is also the fatuous love which is filled with fire and commitment. This usually occurs among long term relationships. The key ingredients here are trust and intimacy. Lastly, the Consummate love is considered the best type because the ingredients needed to sustain relationships are all present which include passion, commitment and intimacy. And both married individuals should strive to acquire this type.

Lam Bong is an Author living in Sydney, Australia. He is interested in reading and creating websites. His latest website is about dating Korean women and dating Malaysian women on the web today.

A compatible relationship is what most people strive
for, and it's always nice to hear about a happy couple
in a fulfilling relationship.

People wanting to get married would be smart to
seriously consider the following questions:
What do you seek through marriage? A ceremony to
declare your love and a chance to get together with
family and loved ones? Romantic partnership
permanence? Do you hope it will add something to
your connection that you feel is absent at this time?

Marriage was originally intended for practical and
economic reasons. People could not survive unless
they pooled their skills and resources. Due in part by
romantic fantasy perpetrated by movies and fairy
tales, marriage today includes unrealistic expectations
such as being someone's "everything" for life.
Surprisingly, even with the high divorce rates, this
tradition is still a popular choice.

Some say it's because you need marriage for kids, or
that marriage is about commitment. But you can be
responsible parents or commit to each other without a
marriage license.

Those who oppose marriage contend that legally
binding agreements, in an attempt to cement
relationships, primarily reflect fear and a lack of
trust and are more about money than love.

There is no level of compatibility "good enough" for
marriage, because two individuals who are very
compatible now may not be in ten years. Furthermore,
marriage is just a legal construct that has nothing to do
with unconditional love, which is what many claim to
marry for. By unconditional love, we're referring to a
lack of conditions such as "If you do this for me, I'll do
that for you."

Ideally, marriage would be completely about
unconditional love. It wouldn't be like modern
marriage is today.

There would be no unhappiness about a partner not
doing what they are expected to do financially, there
would be no disputes about having to spend time with
the partner's friends and family, and there would be a
lack of expectations in the bedroom, just to name a few.

As we have constantly found in our work, most
relationships have time limits, as do friendships and
business associations. Sound unromantic? Truth isn't
always romantic, but embracing it will save you a lot
of heartache. You don't have to physically leave a
relationship for it to be over, as many married couples
will tell you if they are brutally honest. Additionally,
children know when their parents are unhappy and
all too often the parents end up setting a bad example
relating to complacency and deceit.

How can you tell if a romantic connection has seen
better days? A few examples include the following: all
attempts at spicing up the bond fall flat; one or both
partners become increasingly interested dating other
people; sex becomes routine and boring or nonexistent;
the sexual attraction fades significantly or disappears; one
or both feel as if they have learned as much as they were
supposed to learn; and it simply doesn't feel right to stay
together.

Life-long, satisfying monogamy is desired by many,
but is it natural or realistic? Some couples completely
lose interest in sex with each other and settle for
companionship or are willing to make great sacrifices
and be unhappy in order to avoid ending their relationship,
but more and more couples are accepting that most
relationships are not meant to last forever.

In our view, love relationships serve primarily as
grounds for shared spiritual lessons and goals, rather
than the currently accepted, outdated, fear-based
sociological standard as outlined above. Many norms
in society will be seen as absurd by future generations,
and we expect that traditional marriage will be one of
them.

An aside, for those who desire to deepen their
understanding of their partner (especially before
getting married), compatibility analyses involving
psychic insight, comprehensive astrology, numerology,
and graphology outlining key challenges and rewards is
a great way to open the door to more love.

We recommend to those considering marriage to
communicate with their partner about commitment,
and discuss feelings about money, children, relatives,
friends, etc. But don't expect or even hope that the
love would be permanent if you got married, since no
couple is compatible enough to meet and exceed the
present day expectations of marriage.

"Getting married to make a relationship permanent is
like buying a summer home to make summer last forever."

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

Scott Petullo and Stephen Petullo are identical twins and have been exploring metaphysics since the early 1980?s. They are experts in the fields of prediction, personal fate, love life, and past life regression, and are natural psychics and mediums. Get their free report: 13 Spiritual and New Age Myths and 11 Questions to Ask before hiring Psychic. http://www.mystictwins.com http://www.holisticmakeover.com

There are many kinds of love, but what this article is concerned with is that form of love usually known as 'romantic love' or 'true love'. So what is romantic love and why do we need to define it?

Quite often we come across the scenario that a man or woman in a relationship is asking him or herself the question: "Is it love?" So, how can someone tell? Then there is another scenario, sometimes used in Hollywood movies as a plot device, wherein somebody doesn't actually believe in romantic love -- in its actual existence -- and so is willing to settle for something much less... until the right man or woman comes along, of course!

Then again, there is the phenomenon of so-called "love at first sight". Is this emotion that appears in a single moment something that a couple can base a lifelong commitment upon?

Here are my own views on the question of what is love, based on my life's experiences.

Firstly, "love at first sight". All the time we see other people who we find attractive. Some of them are more attractive than others. Some of them are very attractive indeed. If we see someone who falls into the latter group, and there are also other things about the person that makes him or her appear as a possible partner (for the human mind is very good at making judgments like this in a split-second, based on factors such as clothing style, what the other person is doing at the time, context and so on) then this combination of emotionally powerful components can be so strong as to qualify as "love at first sight".

There are many couples whose relationship has begun in this way, but mere physical attraction, however strong, is not enough in itself to provide a basis for a lifelong relationship. This brings us on to the real heart of the question "what is love" -- what is it that enables us to have a long-term, even lifelong, relationship with another human being?

It certainly can begin with attraction of the "love at first sight" kind, or something approaching that in intensity, though with some love relationships physical attraction is not the catalyst to start them into life. But from whatever basis a relationship begins -- physical attraction or friendship or other circumstances -- if the relationship is to continue and the individuals concerned are not to "fall out of love", they must find each other's personalities delightful. If you "fall in love at first sight" with someone whose personal habits -- you subsequently discover -- start to irritate you, and whose views and opinions annoy you, then you will quickly find yourself falling out of love. So, you must like the other person very much as a person. And, the feeling must be mutual, of course.

Once you have attraction, followed by a mutual liking of personalities, this then leads to a deep friendship, a friendship that becomes deepened by sexuality. It becomes a friendship to beat all other friendships and relationships, and a closeness greater than any experienced before.

And that's really all there is to it, the deepest kind of friendship that began as physical attraction and moved on to a closeness greater than any other in the lives of the people concerned. It's romantic love. And it is something that, with careful nurturing, can last a lifetime.

Resources: Find out how to find your true love at Single Dating Help, and learn how to use the personals effectively at Internet Personals Sites. Get a free ebook on love and relationships here: Free Ebook about Online Dating. You have permission to use this article in your web site, blog or ezine but only if you make no changes: to comply with copyright all html links must be active and spider-able, and anchor texts must be kept as is.

Recently, a long time friend told me that her new psychotherapist had given her a diagnosis based upon her symptoms. At first, she was actually excited to be able to put a label on her experiences. She felt heard and understood and validated. But she didn't stop there. She went online to research the definition, accompanying symptoms, and treatment potential for this psychological diagnosis. Upon hearing the specific diagnosis, my immediate thought was, "Right, that diagnosis really fits with her erratic behavior and hypersensitive reaction to other people's words and actions."

A few days later, my friend left me a frantic phone message asking me to please call her because she was really upset about that therapist's diagnosis of her. She also sent me a very long email delineating and refuting, in detail, each and every criterion and symptom. I called her immediately and listened while she questioned, explained and offered many explanations for why this diagnosis was not accurate and how she had been misjudged and invalidated, again. My first thought was, "The lady doth protest too much!"

Then my friend asked, "Do you think this diagnosis fits me?" My knee-jerk response would have been to cite the numerous examples of situations that I had personally experienced with her in which she did behave in ways that did fit the criteria for this diagnosis. But I stopped myself from speaking and thought for a moment: "This is my friend. She has told me over and over again how she has always felt invalidated - by her family, friends, boyfriends, and others. What is she really asking me for? What does she really want from me?"

Validation! Acceptance! Love! Compassion! Understanding! Gentleness! Caring!
That's what my friend was asking for from her long time friend. She was not asking me to tell her that the therapist is correct and she is wrong. She was not asking me to help her to see all the ways she has consistently fit the criteria of that diagnosis.

My friend has had lots and lots of validation that she is wrong, she is unworthy, she should change something about herself, and she should not speak up to defend herself. During that phone call, my friend was in one of her most vulnerable moments, a moment when she was trying to validate her own self and explain all the ways that she was healthy rather than unhealthy.

In the name of friendship, I could have spoken before thinking and reminded her of all the times she has behaved in ways that fit that diagnosis. The result: I would have been one more person invalidating someone I supposedly care about and love.

Think about it. What is the purpose of love and friendship? Are we here to be our best friend's teacher or our lover's psychotherapist? Are we here to prove that we are right, that we know what is best for someone else? Are we here to validate the experts and strangers while invalidating the vulnerable person who is closest to us?

True friendship and true love, I believe, is a state of total acceptance of the other person? When your friend, your lover, or your spouse upsets you, try saying to your self, "He is a perfect Charley, no matter what he does, because what he does reflects Charley's way of being." "She is a perfect Carol, no matter what she does, because what she does reflect's Carol's way of being."

Then, the choice is yours. Do you truly love this person? Can you accept this person exactly the way he or she is? If not, if you really believe that this other person needs to change before you can accept him or her, then maybe you should part ways. It is not up to you whether another person should or should not change. It is always that person's choice. Your choice is whether or not you can accept that person "as is" and focus your attention on altering your own attitudes and behavior. As you shift your focus back onto your own self, you might be delightfully surprised by a shift in the other person. If not, just keep focusing on your own perspective and then decide what is right for you.

Dr. Erica Goodstone has helped thousands of men, women, couples, and groups to develop greater awareness of the issues in their relationships and their lives, to overcome and alleviate stressors and discords, and revitalize their relationships and their own mind-body-spirit connection. Dr. Goodstone is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Licensed Marriage Therapist and Board Certified Sex Therapist. Former professor of health and physical education for over two decades, Dr. Goodstone taught courses in health education and alternative approaches, stress management, yoga (including relaxation, breathing, meditation, guided imagery, chanting, hatha yoga postures, and yogic nutrition), as well as many different physical activity and dance courses. In addition, she has trained in various body therapy methods and somatic body psychotherapy (combining talk with touch). Her main methods are The Rubenfeld Synergy Method, Polarity Therapy, and Somatoemotional Release. Dr. Goodstone can be contacted through her web sites at http://www.DrEricaWellness.com and http://www.sexualreawakening.com