A Heart in Love - The Great Equalizer

In preparing to write my book on women, self-esteem and relationships, I talked to a lot of people. As I listened to their stories, it became clear that the one thing we all have in common as human beings is our vulnerability to love and matters of the heart.

Whether you're a woman or a man, there will be a person, at some point, who will have the power to bring you to your knees, begging for more sweet torture. Someone who will cause you to feel the deepest joy and the most horrific pain imaginable. A person whom you never thought existed, whom you will love and hate simultaneously. And on the day you realize this has happened to you, you will become a hunter for the answers to life's love puzzle.

More specifically, the journey you embark on will be much like the road everyone else travels. You will feel as though you are in a maze of twists and turns, experiencing high and low altitudes, including times of both mind-numbing boredom and heart pounding surprise.

And as I have found, the reasons for your blind voyage on the Sea of Anything but Tranquility will stem directly from your relationship with your beloved and may include, but are not limited to, the following: insecurity, jealousy, language problems, mood fluctuations, misdiagnosing of problems, infidelity, lack of mechanical skill, and aggravation due to sleep deprivation! In other words, you'll drive each other crazy.

And unless and until you complete the aforesaid puzzle, you may enter into a rather dizzying cycle of repeating the same mistakes with a variety of potential Ms. or Mr. Rights. Instead, wouldn't you rather navigate calmly through these rough waters, steering the boat with your feet, while enjoying the sun and sipping on Champagne on your way back from Pleasure Island?

Okay, please forgive my overuse of imagery, but I am trying to drive home a point. We are all capable of being loved and we are all capable of being hurt. However, by identifying the answers to the most common problems agonized over by both women and men, we may narrow the playing field, nip it in the bud, (here I go again) and shorten the distance to happiness if we indeed really want that for which we so deeply yearn.

Because true love is not like the movies. It's messy and takes hard work and understanding and a sense of humor. It means high heels and passing gas and rug burns and tissues and sports and insufferable relatives and friends... and kindness and compromise and forgiveness. But at the end of the day, isn't that all any heart wants and needs?

Audrey Valeriani is an author, freelance writer, coach, columnist for The Malden Observer (MA), Consultant for eHarmony Advice, creator/host of http://www.bootcampforthebrokenhearted.com and relationship expert for Womensweb.ca. She is also board chair of Self Esteem Boston Educational Institute, Inc. Her book is Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love (New Horizon Press, December 2007). You may contact her at theaccidentalexpert@comcast.net