Love - Finding and Keeping a Relationship - Falling in Love is More Than Magic

People like people who like them. That's simple enough. But, in a new relationship, the timing of your expressions of interest and liking make a big difference. Let's say you've just met someone you'd like to attract, or you are on your first or second date. What's the most effective way to manage yourself emotionally so that your chosen person is likely to think well of you and want to see you again? Of course, many pieces go into a successful long lasting relationship, but what we're going for here is 'maintaining interest'. If you can't maintain the other person's interest and curiosity long enough for him or her to get to know the terrific person you are-nothing else matters.

In which of these situations do you think a person is more likely to have a positive opinion of you after a first encounter and want to see you again?

Scenario One. You meet your new chosen person and you are upbeat and open from the beginning, smiling and doing your best to assure that your chosen 'other' feels good throughout your encounter. You establish eye contact from the beginning such as a salesperson would do hoping to keep others comfortable.

Scenario Two. You meet and you are upbeat and open at the start. Then as time passes the halfway mark of your encounter, you pull back slightly. Not noticeably, just enough that you are more private than at first meeting, as if you are carefully thinking about the future.

Scenario Three. You meet and at first are slightly edgy, a bit more private and slow to smile. At the halfway mark of your encounter, you smile more easily and make solid eye contact. The most upbeat element of your time together is as you are parting.

We all have anxieties, especially when meeting new people. For a person to want to repeat the experience of being with you, it's important that he or she feel comfortable and at ease. But studies have shown that the timing of that easiness makes a big difference.

Scenario One leaves the other with a vague uncomfortable feeling that maybe you like everyone and he or she is not really special to you. Scenario Two leaves the other with a sense he or she has done something wrong and, perhaps, you are too sensitive and too much work.

Scenario Three is the rhythm most likely to leave someone wanting to see you again, that you are an interesting person. You have shown thoughtfulness by leaping into the meeting being positive before you've had time to make some judgment. Still-at this is very important-you have come to the conclusion that you do like your new 'chosen' person and gradually become more enthusiastic. He or she will feel slightly relieved and more special. If you withhold too long, you'll push the other awaited frustrated.

But, some will say, isn't this manipulation? Of course, but learning how to stop botching your own relationships is what learning and trying new things is all about. If your new relationship keeps going, it will keep going because of who you are. A psychologist might be able to help you write an essay to get you into a good college. But only you can prove worthy of the opportunity.

Barbara Rice DeShong, Ph.D.
A Psychologist on the Loose
The Secret of Life
Confidence
Why Not You to Hit it Big?
http://www.mysteryshrink.com