Attempting to Find Love and Friendship Via Facebook Can Tell You Much About Yourself

A true Facebook story:

I've recently read on Facebook the following status: "I've decided to stop with FB. This is my last status. Goodbye friends" .

And guess what! This guy has received tens of responses asking him, pleading with him, begging him not to stop. The end result: this guy not only didn't close his Facebook page, but began sending even more statuses than before, thanking everybody for their concern and encouragement, for their love and attention, and promising hem to have decided to stay with Facebook and with them...

The moral of the story:

Facebook can be a wonderful tool via which to receive attention, love, confirmation and approval. Everything you've always wanted to receive from "real friends" - and more!

Facebook provides us the love and attention we need

We all seek love and attention. This is normal and natural. And getting love, attention and approval on FB is easy and pleasing: your friends "like" your statuses; they respond affirmatively to what you write; they show you love and appreciation; they express concern to your well being (all of which is at times different from the reactions you receive from your spouse, parents or other face-to-face friends...).

All these feel so good! So comforting! There is (usually) no confrontation; no negation. Everybody responds so kindly, driving you to place more statuses and receive even more attention, praise, encouragement. You are "nice" to others by commenting affirmatively on their statuses and by indicating you "like" their statuses. They reciprocate the same. It all feels so connecting, so friendly. You feel you "belong" to a group. You are like "everybody else". You are "trendy".

And at the same time you can be lonely and anonymous - yet have many "friends" who interact with you. With them you can be "intimate". They don't ask you for nothing and don't require a thing. The more statuses you place, the more "like" and positive affirmations you receive.

The virtual world of Facebook

But is it really what you want from a real friend? Wouldn't you prefer to receive honest and true feedback which will help you move forward with whichever issues you struggle with? With whom you will be able to sincerely and authentically talk about your true self, your fears and needs, aspirations and fantasies, commitment and intimacy issues?

Facing yourself via Facebook can tell you much about yourself

An unfamiliar advantage of FB - from which you can benefit considerably - is to use your interactions on FB and your attitudes about these interactions to gaining insights and understanding yourself better.

The best way to doing so is to face yourself with questions such as:

* Which needs drive you to spend time on FB and be so thrilled about your interactions with your FB friends (for example: need for love and attention; need to escape your loneliness; need for affirmation)?
* Which fears enable you to make "friends" on FB easier than real-life ones (for example: fear of rejection; fear of intimacy; fear of commitment; fear of not being appreciated)?
* Which parts of yourself you feel free to reveal on FB which you don't in your daily interactions? Do you present on FB "who you really are" or pretend to be someone you are not?
* And other questions like these.

There is a lot you can learn about yourself as you observe yourself interacting with others on Facebook. Make the best of it - and become empowered to find love and develop successful relationships!

Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship" Available as eBook and paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/

Dr. Gil is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant. He has taught classes on Self-Awareness and Relationships to thousands of students, lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to improve their personal and professional relationships.