Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn't always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes. In my medical practice and workshops I've been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call "emotional empaths" come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years. Or else they're in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn't simply that "there aren't enough emotionally available people 'out there,'" nor is their burnout "neurotic." Personally and professionally, I've discovered that something more is going on.

Emotional empaths are a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be difficult, may cause us to bolt. Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner's energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don't have time to decompress in our own space. We're super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five. Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they're afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isn't understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely; we want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesn't feel safe. One empath-patient told me, "It helps explain why at thirty-two I've only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year." Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs--the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don't feel they're on top of you. Empaths can't fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm's length. In doctors' waiting rooms I'll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away. With friends it's about half that. With a mate it's variable. Sometimes it's rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a "Keep Out" sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love. All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you've felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you don't know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others--make clear that this isn't about not loving them--but get the discussion going. Once you can, you're able to build progressive relationships.

If you're an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don't jibe with you practice the following tips.

DEFINE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE NEEDS

Tips for empaths to feel at ease in a relationship

Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate

As you're getting to know someone, share that you're a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being "overly sensitive," won't respect your need.

Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style

Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night's rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can over stimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs

You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn't a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, "What space arrangements are optimal?" Having an area to retreat to, even if it's a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here's why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner's vibes are sublime, sometimes I'd rather not sense them even if they're only hovering near me. I'm not just being finicky; it's about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip 4. Travel wisely

Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I'll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. "Out of sight" may make the heart grow fonder.

Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks

Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, "I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I'm having fun," a form of self-care that he supports.

In my medical practice, I've seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) who've been lonely and haven't had a long-term partner before. Once you're able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible.

Judith Orloff MD is author of the new book "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life" (Ramdon House, 2009). Her other bestsellers are Positive Energy, Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition and energy medicine. She is featured regularly in print, broadcast and online media. Her unique and sought-after guidelines on how to recapture, nurture and affirm our energy, emotional wellness, and intuitive abilities have helped people worldwide to heal themselves. Dr. Orloff's work has been featured in O Magazine, Self, Cosmo, Reader's Digest, The Washington Times, and the New York Post. She has appeared on The Today Show, CBS Early Show, CNN, PBS, and NPR. Dr. Orloff's work is featured on Beliefnet.com, iVillage, and she is a columnist for Feminist.com, Healthy.net, and Happynews.com. Dr. Orloff is a blogger for Psychology Today. For more information go to http://www.judithorloff.com.

Conversations, everybody has them, some will converse verbally while others prefer the skill of sending text messages. Is sending text messages really a skill? Well, lets just say it requires a certain amount of skill in knowing the right words to text. Much gets lost in the translation though when sending a text message. I learned plenty this weekend talking with my soon to be, 19 year old son. I'm sure there are many other teenagers frustrated with their peer group, who seems to work better behind keyboard.

While trying to understand the source of his frustration, it seems this generation is distancing themselves from the ability to effectively and coherently express themselves with words. Communicating verbally seems to be a challenge to many teens who go out on dates. Speaking of dating, that has a separate meaning all together in this day and time. I've learned that many teens are simply bored with your typical conversation and would rather send you a text message. For those teens and young adults (ages 19 - 23) who have interest such as reading, current events, politics and science, are considered boring people among many in their peer group. Many teens and young adults feel the pressure to "dumb it down" because being articulate, intelligent and informed is out and being a thug, being down and trendy is whats up.

Relationships

Relationships among our teens and young adults are defined in cyberspace. Although you will meet someone of interest, the relationship is mostly developed online first. When interested in someone and you want to get the "411" on them (get information) you become a friend on their social network site and read all about them (after all that is what many employers will do). Going out to dinner or to a movie seems to be for entertainment purposes, not to get to know each other. Relationships have taken on a different meaning with our youth in this century.

Many teen social circles and peer groups will use the word "Love" in passing or while greeting each other. Teens will see their friends in the mall, greet each other and even embrace for a moment and will say "I Love You" when they part. I can't help from asking, do our young people understand and know what love is? maybe not, but while doing a short survey among teens, I usually get the deer in the head lights look before they mumble a reply. The reply usually doesn't answer the question though.

Whats Love Got To Do With It?

When asking the question among teens and some young adults, I asked the questions:

How do you know when its love?
How can you use the same word (Love) to express how you feel about a pair of shoes a video game or your favorite food; then use that same word to express how you feel about someone?

Of course both answers were met with long pauses and confused expressions on their faces. In the attempt to show or express an attachment or a concern or caring attitude to those in their peer group, I believe the only word our youth can express how they feel, is this word love. In many cases, unrealized by them, their love is actually conditional and the true emotion of love has absolutely nothing to do with what they express to each other among their peer groups. It was perfectly understood when I gave examples of what love is.

It is refreshing to know that many teens and young adults, care enough about each other to greet, embrace and say "I Love You" to each other, maybe the adults can take a lesson from this.

Nathaniel Lewis invites your to visit Going Against The Grain at: http://www.GoingAgainstTheGrain.org where you will find hundreds of thought provoking and inspiring articles. You can find out more about this author at: http://NathanielLewis.info. Please feel free to comment to this article or any article on our blog. Thanks for reading, hope to hear from you soon!