Over-reactivity drives other people away. Over-reactivity loses jobs, ruins marriages, lands a large number of people in prison, ends friendships, and even results destroying careers for talented artists and athletes.

What is over-reactivity? You are being over-reactive anytime your response to a situation is at a higher alert level than a situation requires. You are being over-reactive when you lose your "choice" over your emotions. You are being over-reactive when your responses are predictable. You are being over-reactive when you are using emotional blackmail to control another person in an exchange.

Let's begin with how over-reactivity is not attractive. "I really love her, but I'm worn out," the husband said. "The slightest thing goes wrong, even a little bit not the way she planned, and the whole day can be ruined." The wife said, "I can't help it. I'm a very sensitive person." "Sensitivity" and exaggerated emotional responses are often viewed as the same thing, but they are not. Sensitivity is your capacity to take in the beauty and amazing features of our world and the people around us. Exaggerated emotional responses have nothing to do with appreciating beauty.

If you watch a group of lab animals with different levels of anxiety response to minor traumas, you will note that the over-anxious animals end up by themselves. There may be an initial rallying to help the over-reacting animal, but eventually, the other animals tire and need to return to managing their own survival. The same happens with people. A man or woman may marry an "over-reactor," trying to that person's "rock" or savior. After a few years that role wears out. Loving an over-reactor doesn't change them.

What's the solution? Each and every one of us must take on responsibility for our personal reactivity. Love is unconditional, but time and attention are not. If you allow reactivity to control your life, other people will begin to fear or dread being with you, because, since you do not take responsibility for your reactivity, they cannot depend on having a pleasant time with you.

How can you improve your style of responding? How can you be more in charge of your anxiety? These questions will be addressed in the next article.

Barbara Rice DeShong, Ph.D.
A Psychologist on the Loose
http://www.mysteryshrink.com

Mysteryshrink and the Obsessed Stranger Lady, Check it out.

Others may say that being in a long distance relationship is not possible. On the contrary, it is very doable. But to make it work, you need to put a lot of effort into it. The hardest thing about long distance relationships is the possibility that your other half may get attracted to other people.

If your partner is a thousand miles away and you constantly worry about the status of your relationship, knowing these tips will be very useful to you and your partner.

Define the Relationship

If you haven't put a label on whatever it is you're doing, then this might be the perfect time to do so. Defining the relationship is a very good first step on tackling your anxiety. What kind of couple are you? Boyfriend-girlfriend, exclusive, engaged, open relationship, pick one and stick to it.

Defining the relationship, means you know your boundaries. If you have your boundaries, you will know what actions are allowable or not.

Communicate as Frequently as Possible

There are a lot of tools to do this, use them always. Communication really is the key to lessen your anxiety. If you trust your partner enough to agree on a long distance relationship, then I believe that his or her word will be good enough to calm you down.

Put an Expiration Date

There should be a time that your long distance relationship will just be a relationship minus the big distance. Having a date or a goal on when the two of you will be together is really important. It will diminish your anxiety bit by bit as every day passes and you get nearer to your goal.

Visit each Other

Got the means to do this? Then you should both do this as frequently as possible. Visiting each other is a nice gesture. It shows that you really care for each other and you are willing to go to great lengths just to see your partner.

Nothing beats the feel and smell of the person you love. Scheduling a weekend getaway just the two of you will be a mini vacation from your long distance relationship. At this point you could talk better and reassure each other again. Or, simply stop talking, relax and enjoy each others company.

More Trust

It's pretty obvious right? You are getting anxious because you don't trust your partner enough. Then all you have to do is get over it and accept the situation you are in. Trusting your partner will rid you of your anxiety and will give you that peace of mind.

If you are feeling a little jittery from all you suspicious thinking then a call wouldn't hurt. Remind yourself of the goal you've set up and take a breather and relax.

Conclusion

Being anxious from time to time is really normal and is actually healthy. But if you are getting anxious everyday of things you are not even sure is happening then get a hold of your self.

Long distance relationships are very simple, but it is never easy. Just hold on and be strong, keep the flame of love alive.

It takes more efforts to keep the flame burning in a long distance relationship; I suggest you check out the details of a guide specifically made to help couple in this circumstance: Long Distance Love Guide review. If you discover that he's been lying to you, don't jump into conclusion and break the long distance relationship. Read why do men lie to discover the real cause.